My Freebirth Journey: Choosing a Birth Experience on My Terms
Pregnancy and birth are often framed by rules, regulations, and the involvement of medical professionals. But what happens when you feel called to take your birth experience into your own hands? This was my story during my second VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean), when I made the decision to part ways with my midwife and embrace freebirth—a birth without medical intervention. Here's how I navigated this powerful and personal journey.
The Decision to Go My Own Way
At 20 weeks pregnant, after many discussions with my midwife, I decided to part ways with her and complete the rest of my pregnancy on my terms. In the back of my mind, I always knew that freebirth was what I truly wanted. When I spoke with my midwife about my wishes, I understood that to get the birth I envisioned, freebirth was the only way. Our conversation centered around her licensing and the constraints of the BCCNM (British Columbia College of Nurses and Midwives). Ironically, she told me that if I were birthing in the Philippines and she was my midwife, she wouldn’t have had any issues with my choices.
While this was eye-opening, it was also a reminder that birth should be a deeply personal experience, not dictated by the licensing and policies of an institution. After that conversation, I knew what I needed to do.
Surrendering to My Fears
Although I had a clear vision of the birth I wanted, I was not immune to fear. During my pregnancy, I came across a triggering birth story, and for a while, fear of hemorrhaging haunted me. Every night, I found myself handing my fears over to God, seeking peace and comfort. But one fear always crept back: What if something went wrong? Despite envisioning the birth scene I desired—utterly perfect—this fear lingered in the background.
In those final weeks of pregnancy, I surrendered to my emotions. I visualized my birth over and over again, imagining the perfect scenario: my body working in harmony with nature. But the fear of hemorrhaging persisted, and I knew I had to face it head-on. I worked through it the best I could, but I also realized that it was something I needed to release in order to truly trust the process.
The Birth I Always Dreamed Of
When labor began, it unfolded almost exactly as I had imagined. The birth was powerful, serene, and perfect. I felt truly blessed to experience it in such a profound and unhurried way. I was able to catch my own baby, listen to my body, and allow it to do the work without interference. It was everything I had hoped for.
As I reflect on the third stage of birth—the delivery of the placenta—I now understand that my journey was not about overcoming fears that would sabotage the process. Rather, it was about embracing the experience and trusting that everything would unfold as it was meant to. The birth process wasn’t controlled by my fears; instead, I allowed my body to do what it was designed to do, trusting that everything would work out.
Do I Regret My Decision?
Looking back, I have no regrets about choosing freebirth. Do I wish I had a midwife present? No. Unless she had been willing to step back and be a silent observer or wait outside the room, I believe the presence of someone else would have interfered with the birth experience I so deeply desired. Birth should never be controlled by someone else’s fears, protocols, or ministry of health oversight. It should be mother-led, and the mother’s choices should never be ignored or manipulated.
No, I don’t regret my decision, because in the midst of the hemorrhage afterward, when I lost consciousness, I felt God’s presence more strongly than I ever have before. It was during that vulnerable moment afterward, when I was beyond awareness, that I felt an overwhelming connection to Him. My husband, fearful for my life, prayed over me in that moment, and I truly felt His guiding support. That presence and the power of his prayer helped carry me through such a terrifying experience.
In addition, this experience has made our relationship that much stronger. It deepened the trust and bond between us in ways I could never have anticipated. Facing that moment together has created an unspoken understanding between us that continues to strengthen our connection.
Would I Do It Again?
As of now, I can't definitively say what the future holds. I believe that I would do it again because the experience was so empowering. But, until I'm pregnant again, I can't fully say what my truth will be. What I do know is that the ability to birth on my terms, with no intervention, listening to my body, and catching my own baby, was a deeply transformative experience.
So, would I do it again? In my heart, I believe I would. But I’ll need God’s love once again to carry me through my fears.
Birth is not just about the destination; it’s about the journey. It’s about reclaiming the power within yourself and listening to your intuition. For me, freebirth was the choice that allowed me to truly own my birth experience, and it remains one of the most profound, spiritual moments of my life. My hope is that by sharing my story, others may find the courage to trust themselves in their own birth journeys, no matter what path they choose.
